The Power of Now

Are you present in the present? Of course, you’re physically here. That’s a given. But are your heart and mind living in the beauty of the gift of being alive today? If you’re like me, the answer is—maybe. Some days I feel like I can dwell in the moment with ease. Others, the past and the future command my attention, filling me with regret, frustration, anxiety, even dread. But I have found one powerful tool to reset when I enter these moments—meditation.

Meditation for me started with a minute or two a day. Just a few minutes of releasing my judgments and instead working to expand my heart into curiosity...starting with curiosity about my own thoughts and the limits I am placing on myself. One of my most powerful meditation practices in times of fear or worry is to ask myself what it is I don’t think I can handle, and why.

If you are judging yourself that way, stop right now. Close your eyes. Reflect on what you don’t think you can handle right now, and why you don’t think you can handle it.

No, don’t start judging yourself for judging yourself. Remember, be curious. Listen to the answer.

Examining what gives us one reaction over the other is an early step to healing ourselves within. When we pass judgment about what and why we are feeling, this holds us back. Instead, be curious about why you are procrastinating, feeling blue, or replaying past hurts.

Does it sound hard to be objective about yourself? I know, it is. When our mind gets twisted there isn’t room for expansion of our perspective and more importantly, expansion of our heart. Then we get tight-lipped about our own needs, and tight-lipped with jealousy of others who seem to be achieving what we long for. When in reality, that judgment is what is holding us back from stepping into our higher selves and our reason for being.

Notice I said reason for being, not the things we should be doing. God created us to Be, to enjoy the glory of creation, not to only do and achieve. This place is temporary, remember? So with that in mind, look at another way you can show up in the world. What if you decided you could stop the mental hustle and what if you just go with the flow instead?

What matters is that you are grounded, happy, and healthy, in connection with your higher power. Does your work give you life and energy? If not, why are you sticking with it? Because of the pressure of what success needs to look like? Take the cap off the toothpaste. Let it out, for just a few minutes a day, where you practice suspending your judgments and internal narrative. I promise, you will see the gift and glory of expansion in your heart.

For me, this has manifested most in a reduced obsession with the idea of time, timelines, time frames, and not having time. Because time is really an illusion. The present moment is the only thing that matters—and in the present, we are already fully-qualified to receive every gift, goal, and dream we aspire to.

If you are putting your joy on pause until you are “good enough” to feel it, I have been there with you. And I believe you are worthy of more, and I want to help you nurture yourself to grow that belief as well. It can start with just a few minutes a day—or by reaching out to me to schedule a brief introduction and connect around your goals.

Empower Yourself to Not Give a Fuck

Something I have been called out for, on more than one occasion, is how much I curse.

Excuse me. How much I fucking curse.

People get upset I am cursing because it doesn’t sit right with them. They challenge me to find a better, more eloquent way of expressing myself. What I have never understood in these moments is why I should self-edit to make others more comfortable.

In part, that is expected because I am a woman. Self-editing to keep others comfortable is supposed to be second-nature to me, and certainly not something I speak out against. But what is also interesting is how often the people calling me out for cursing are other women. Are they trying to help, protecting me from the judgment of others, especially men? Or are they policing my tone, trying to put the same limits on me that they have accepted for themselves? Either way, I have decided I don’t really care.

Cursing someone out is one thing. This is not about defending rudeness. But that also underscores another point about cursing—it’s not the words, it’s the energy. If your statement isn’t coming from a good energy, it doesn’t matter what words you use. Someone will not be happier about being insulted by you simply because you don’t use swear words. The same amount of energy is put into choosing our words whatever they are, even (and maybe especially) when we speak without thinking. Choosing or not choosing to use swear words isn’t defining who you are or your values—that is done by your energy.

To me, swearing is sometimes a release of frustration. Other times it’s a celebration, like when something is the shit, or just damn cool. No matter which energy, or any emotion in between, I have noticed on reflection that when I am swearing is often when I am at the height of transparency and authenticity in my communication.

In that, I know I am not alone. For years now, studies are regularly released showing that cursing is a sign of intelligence, a sign of honesty, and improves our pain tolerance:

• A 2015 study found that people with a large vocabulary of curse words have a larger vocabulary in general, a direct rebuttal of the “poverty of vocabulary” myth that people use curse words because they don’t know other words to express themselves.

• A series of three studies published in 2017 found that people who swear demonstrate overall higher personal integrity and specifically, lie less to other people. (The authors of the studies did caution that you should not simply inherently trust someone BECAUSE they curse a lot…)

• Cursing doesn’t just increase our endurance but also our pain tolerance. Studies found that people who swore out loud while cycling or squeezing a hand vice were able to work harder and longer. Another study showed that when people cursed out loud versus saying a neutral word as they put their hand in icy water, the profanity-users both reported less pain and were able to keep their hand in the water longer.

Additionally, it takes creativity to swear, and courage! It helps us fully release our frustrations and joys, riding the highs and lows of our emotions as part of the world versus bottling them up inside and limiting them to keep others comfortable.

The one limit on my swearing, I place on myself, which is that I do not swear at work with clients. This stems from my background working with children and the same respect and consideration for emotions extends to my clients today. Even adults may have deep-rooted traumas around cursing, especially if they come from an abusive background. But I choose to respect those boundaries without even being asked. To those who want to restrict my swearing thanks to outdated, Puritanical values…well, let’s just say I would have a few choice words.

The Power of Lacking Expectation

What do you think of when you hear that someone “lacks expectations?” If you grew up like me, it makes you think they have low standards, no motivation, and doesn’t really care about life.

But the truth is, expectations regularly bite us in the ass!

We expect that a certain action will get us a certain outcome. This creates a problem, because we are then focused on what we think we are entitled to or guaranteed to receive. We EXPECT something in return for an action we took.

And if it doesn’t come, we are then trapped in a spiral of toxic focus on what is absent. What we should have gotten. What someone else got and we didn’t get. Anger, frustration, jealousy.

This toxic cycle of expectation manifests everywhere in our culture, from small squabbles between siblings to social foundations of discrimination and bias. When any one of us expects and anticipates that we will get something, and we do not get it, it triggers negativity toward ourselves which then is acted out on others around us. Especially the “others” we think have received the benefits or outcomes we were entitled to.

So what is the alternative? Of course, we don’t want to live without standards. Healing this wound lies in recognizing the difference between a desire and an expectation. This process is often a part of mindset and manifestation coaching with my clients.

Often when we expect something, what is really going on is we desire it. This could be a job offer, a romantic partner, or the toy your kids can’t seem to share. Because we have a desire, we expect it should be satisfied. And when it isn’t, we are disappointed.

But if you want something, you simply have to keep acting toward it. No, this doesn’t mean continuing to pursue the same job opening or person who has told you “no.” But it does mean staying oriented in why you desire to find the right new job, or the right new partner. How do you want those things to make you FEEL? Is it more inspired? More treasured? More supported?

Defining WHY you want what you want is the work at hand for you. The creation piece of defining the reasons opportunity should manifest for ourselves is our work. And it isn’t easy work, which is why spiritual intuitive coaching exists. When our desires will come together, who the characters are—it’s not only out of our control, but none of our business. All that is up to God.

Being too focused on the how, and expecting what our desires will look like, can often cause us to miss them when they manifest. For instance, imagine you really want a cardboard box, because it will make you feel more organized. (Bear with me.) You are visualizing a box with polka dots. So when a box with stripes presents itself, you reject it, because it doesn’t LOOK exactly the way you imagined—even though it would make you FEEL exactly the way you imagined if you accepted it.

Reality check: you are not entitled to receive box after box until one meets your exact expectations. In fact, no box you find probably ever will.

Whether it’s the opportunity we chase today or something coming in the future, manifesting our desires is a three part puzzle. And the terrible-yet-magical news is, the middle piece of the puzzle is out of our hands. The first piece is our work of intention and creation, defining how achieving our goals and desires will make us FEEL.

This is powerful work because it pushes us to focus closely on the truth of who we are. Admitting to some of the feelings we want to chase is an act of healing and in some cases an act of rebellion.

But then, all we have to do is stay oriented in those feelings and take the steps that draw us closer to what we want. This promotes a grateful focus on what is present, not a lacking feeling of unmet expectations. When we focus on the power of the reasons behind our desires and intentions, we are freed to sit in the lap of God and talk about what we want, releasing what we expect about what it will look like when we get it. Because we are focused on how we will feel when we receive it.

Our standards aren’t lowered, but our expectations are removed. And that in turn removes a barrier to receiving what it is we wanted to begin with.

My coaching for breakthrough success is part of the support system that can help you achieve this shift. If you want help practicing the release of expectation and tuning in to your motivations, I am here for you.